Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
