the condom got lost in my hair
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
