life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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