3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
