every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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