We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
