with your own penis?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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