I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He shit in the fireplace
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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