I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
