I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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