thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
