problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
