I heard we made out
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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