oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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