You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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