A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
