I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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