note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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