I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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