Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
