I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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