i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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