Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
