She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
