Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
