My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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