there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
