I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
