theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
