so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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