i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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