Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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