Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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