I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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