he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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