I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
