So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
