So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize