the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
