pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
