i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
