I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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