i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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