The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
