dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
