i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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