I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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