you will always have a special place in my vag
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
