the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
