So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
