is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
