i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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