my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
