I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
