I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
