Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
