Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
