careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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