Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
