Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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