Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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