I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize