So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
