i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
