just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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