i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
