I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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