Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
