you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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